Sunday, March 10, 2013

Anger Management

I am not okay and that's why I'm blogging. I promised myself to never again lose self control. I don't know if you have felt this kind of feeling that you're just so mad and you're just so sick and tired of it and you just want to not be mad. It's just like you want to scream but you're not allowed to. It's like you're being tortured inside but you're trying to be strong. I'm mad and I'm trying to control it. I'm mad and I just don't want to be mad. I don't really know. Earth has been producing lots of people who wants to pull you down, God has been giving me so much test in life lately and I just want to pass. There's just this people who just can't resist making other people stressed. So i'm locking myself just to keep my promise. I just don't want to hate anymore. For hatred really is just a useless emotion.

Maybe, It's just so hard for me to release hatred and anger because I'm such a boring person, living a simple life and is happy with simple and small things. I can just sit around a corner and doodle. I can just lay myself in bed for 24 hours reminiscing happy thoughts. I can hangout with my friends but i sometimes choose not too because i don't want them to be sick of me talking about how i feel. I just don't want to share these negative feelings inside with those people living in a positive world.

I know it's still early to write down what i've learned for this day because it's just 4pm and there's still 8 hrs left before the day ends and that something else might happen, but writing this blog post somehow lessen the hatred and anger i'm feeling. So here are my realizations:

Always pray when you're mad.
I prayed for god to help me move on with this feeling. I prayed for positivity and I thank
him for letting me experience this feeling for It gives alot of realizations.

Never be afraid to cry.
I was trying to not cry for I want to tell myself to be strong, But not crying just means I'm weak.
It's a form of letting go. If you don't want to curse,If you don't want to hate and do not so good things then just cry. It's better than posting your hatred out on facebook.

Never ever keep it inside.
I'm currently sick and i feel more sick because i was keeping it inside.
If i can't tell people how mad and sad i am, then let your mind speak through writing or blogging.

I am feeling better now. Not super better, though But i'll know
I'll get there. One step at a time.


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